Pregnant?  Why Consider Adoption?

If you are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, adoption may be the right option for you.  If you are considering placing your child up for adoption, know that you are not alone, even if that is the way it feels right now.  While all possible choices should be considered in the event of an unplanned pregnancy, adoption presents several unique benefits to all parties involved in the process.

Our Adoption Specialists are here to provide you with support and information so that you can make the best decision for you and your baby.  Should you choose to place your baby for adoption, we will help you create an adoption plan that is specific to you.

Types of Adoption

It is important to know, that adoption is your decision and you are in charge of the adoption process. We are here to support and guide you while answering any questions you might have.  There is a lot to consider when making your adoption plan and we think it is important that you are informed of all your options and make the best decisions for you and your baby.

There are several different types of adoption.  It is important that you understand the different types of adoption before choosing an adoptive family.

Open Adoption –  Allows for ongoing contact between birth families and adoptive families.  With open adoption, you can determine what level of openness you wish to have in the future.  While a fully open adoption may include visits, you may choose to have only pictures and letters instead.

Closed Adoption – Typically are anonymous and little to no identifying information is provided.  Additionally, it is important to know that there is no ongoing contact with a closed adoption.  Closed adoptions are becoming less requested by birth parents as many wish to receive updates and or pictures at the least.

Financial Help

While creating an adoption plan is free, many birth moms like yourself are concerned about expenses that come with being pregnant.  This may include rent, utilities, food, transportation, maternity clothes and medical bills.

An Adoption Specialist will work with you to determine a solution for your unique situation and learn more about your financial needs.

Adoption Process for Birth Parents

Placing a child for adoption is not easy.  We understand how stressful, emotional and overwhelming this process can be.  Our experienced staff is here to work with you to help you with any questions you may have.  You will have several decisions to make when creating your unique adoption plan and we are here to support you every step of the way.

  1. Decide if Adoption is the Right Choice
    1. After becoming informed of all of your options, you will want to decide which option is best for you and your child. If you have chosen that adoption is the right choice for you, we will begin creating your adoption plan.
  2. Create Your Adoption Plan
    1. At Adoption Associates of Iowa, we will help to guide you while you are in charge of your adoption process. We will work with you to fulfill your wishes for this adoption. During this process, some of the decisions you will be faced with are determining your ideal adoptive family, choosing what type of contact you wish to have with them during pregnancy and after birth, plan your hospital stay, along with much more.  After creating your adoption plan, tailed to your wishes, we will help you to find the best adoptive family for your child.
  3. Choosing an Adoptive Family
    1. Adoption Associates have helped countless birth parents find the perfect adoptive parents for their child. We believe this is the most rewarding part of the adoption process.
    2. Each of our adoptive families are home study approved and have successfully completed back ground checks. Our Adoption Specialists spend a lot of time getting to know our adoptive families which helps us in making the perfect match.  Once you have chosen the family that you believe is the best match for your baby, we will help facilitate your first interaction.  Depending on your level of comfort, this can be done by conference calls, video chat or even a personal meet in your hometown.
  4. Getting to Know the Adoptive Family
    1. We encourage all of our birth parents to get to know their chosen adoptive family. We believe it is essential to establish a pre-placement relationship as it will help you confirm that you have made the right decision for your baby.
    2. Although it is a great way for you to learn about our different adoptive families through their profiles, building a relationship allows for additional support throughout the process and help strengthen your adoption plan after birth.
    3. We understand this part can sometimes feel uncomfortable and you may not be sure what to say or talk about. Our Adoption Specialists will prepare you and the adoptive family with topics and questions to help with your first contact, they will also be available to facilitate the first contact so that everything goes smoothly and everyone feels comfortable.
  5. Prepare for Your Hospital Stay and Placing Your Baby with the Adoptive Family
    1. Much like the rest of the adoption plan, you get to make the decisions for your hospital stay. This day will be very emotional, yet very rewarding.  Our Adoption Specialists will help you create your hospital stay and prepare you for what to expect.
  6. Creating a Post-Placement Plan
    1. After your baby has been placed with the adoptive family, you may experience several different emotions. This experience is different for each birth parent.  You still have our support through this time.  The amount of contact you have after placement will depend on the adoption plan you have built and the arrangements you have made with the adoptive family.  We will help you create a plan for after placement to help you move forward in a healthy and positive direction.

Emotions to Expect

Every Birth Mother has their own story to tell and a reason for which they decide to create an adoption plan for her child.  Though there are a variety of circumstances that contribute to this decision, they all share a common theme: they all put the interest of their child first.

Most importantly, you are not alone.

It is imperative to remember that there is no wrong choice in making these difficult decisions.  As long as you are making a fully­ informed choice that puts aside your wants for the sake of your child, you are making a correct one, whether you choose adoption or not.

There is a misconception that because a mother chooses adoption for their child, that the only feelings she should feel is peace and happiness because it was a good decision. However, it is important to know that with the choice of adoption comes a range of emotions, both expected and unexpected.  It can be difficult to predict when they will arise and how you will feel until it actually happens. Below are some emotions you can prepare for as you make the adoption decision and head further into that process.

Feelings of Loss:

You might experience feelings of loss that may resemble a loss of a loved one that’s passed. This feeling can seem complicated by the fact that there was no death involved, but the feeling of emptiness remains.

The feeling of loss can also be attributed by feeling as though you lost motherhood or even the identity of being a mother. These types of feelings tend to be more common in closed adoptions as the birth mother does not experience more closure in their feelings about the adoption.

Loss of Identity:

After the adoption process is completed, it can be difficult for birth mothers to decide on what their emotional and physical role in the child’s life should be.  This is a key factor to think about when deciding if you prefer an open or closed adoption. In a closed adoption you would have no relationship with the child.  In an open or semi-open adoption you can have an open discussion with the adoptive parents about what type of role you would play in the child’s life.

Grief:

Along with loss comes the stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, sadness and acceptance.  Each emotion feels different for everyone.  During the adoption process you may experience anger when you feel like you are losing power and control.  It is okay to feel these emotions and it is recommended that you find someone that you feel comfortable speaking to that can relate to these feelings. There are many support groups nationally that have birth mothers with similar stories and can relate to what you might be going through

Guilt:

When making an adoption plan you may at times feel shameful of yourself or feel guilty for making the wrong decision.  These feelings come to us from social stigmas.  This can make them difficult to overcome.  It is important to remember that your decision should be made based on the love and consideration you have for your child and not based on pressure of external sources.

Peace:

Although creating an adoption plan can be challenging for many, not all emotions are negative.  Many birth mothers find this journey to be rewarding.  There are many emotional hurdles that you will face to get to this point. Keep in mind the reasons that led you to choosing adoption.  You may come to peace knowing that your child is in good hands and it gives you a sense of relief knowing that you have chosen the adoptive family that will raise your child.  Some say, they feel a sense of security and satisfaction.  Your feeling of peace may come from the decision to provide a family with the ultimate gift of life.